Pitching Fits ~ Temper Tantrums

I had to laugh when my religious advisor was talking to us about things that bother us that other people do. That there MAY BE the something they are doing is what we do and it bothers us about ourselves.
I had to laugh, I find this so very true. I try hard to step back and look at WHY this person's habits or reactions or what ever it is, bugs me. WHY dose it bother me that parents have a hard time with their children throwing tantrums, but we as adults can do it and ITS OK.. Or at least we are suppose to just roll with it.
My 3.5 year old, is at the point when she doesn't get her way for ANY REASON, she feels the needs to react. I on the other hand, tell her once and then leave it at that. Some may not like the way I handle it. They even think I give in. When in reality what I do is wait for the time to talk to the 3 yr old about why we can or cant, or should or shouldn't.. and so forth. Talking to her when she is calmed down and talk to her so she thinks its HER idea to put on her PJ's.. Whats wrong with that? Climbing into her tent and talking to her about it? I'm not giving IN, I'm just meeting her half way.
Why is it as adults we cant MEET HALF way. I have a very close friend that when they don't get their way for any reason they go into this fit of rage. Where they humph, and hum slam door or anything they can find, UNTIL they get their way..
So I ask, WHY is a 3 yr old who really doesn't KNOW any better get put in time out for doing the same thing they see an adult do??? I ask you is this fair?? I find that my little 3 yr old is a mirror of me. She dose things that she see's me do, or other adults she inter acts with..
If we as adults display bad behavior then why are we not put into time out?? I see this would be very useful and our children would learn from us that when we act poorly we pay for our actions.
All this has come about from some deep thinking. Losing our Son the 2nd Oct of this year has been very hard. So much harder then ever before. I see in so many ways that there are no more Tomorrows, only yesterdays. And this kills me. Part of me has died, and the other part of me would like to die too.. I know that some may never understand this, but I hurt, deeper then ever before. I had so much taken from me that day, only to have nothing put back in its place. So I am left with an empty soul.
I love my daughter and to be honest it is ONLY because of her I even get out of bed. Not even for my DH do I feel the need to get out of bed for. I'm tied of bad behavior from so many around me. My Daughter dose not under stand why Adults can act this way, but we are teaching her right from wrong get their way when they pitch a fit, why dose she get punished and not them too........ I ask this same question to myself every time I have to correct the act that is wrong. I tell her every time, I love you dearly, but I don't like the way you are acting... Someday she will understand.