Its been a while.

I'm really not sure anyone reads this, but I'm writing for me. Its been a year since my world came, really, chashing down. I have become really good at hiding my feelings from the world and those closest to me. They dont see the pain and hurt in my eye's as they use to, so many people make comments to Justin that I am doing better, I look happier ad so forth, and he agree's. I'm so glad I have pulled the mask back on.
The one I feel the worst for is Shayli. What I have put her through, the trama of it all. She's scared for life. She has huge issues with fear and it started when I had Deke. For a while it seems to not be so bad and I thought it was almost gone but then right around Deke's 1st Angel Day, she started in on it again. Made me reailze just how much this really effected her, and she's only 4. Great, I have scared my child for life. I know that all children get "scared" by their parents, but come one, dealing with a Mom that almost died, and then has been a zombie for almost a year now.