8 years and you “would” think that this time of year would get easier, but it doesn’t.Jakob and Jeneh would be 8 tomorrow had they lived.. “had they lived” or should I say lived longer than 5 minutes.
I think about all the “should have beens” that should be going on right now, getting ready for a BIG Birthday party for TWO kids, getting the invites out for their party and for their baptism that would (should have been) the first of September. My heart still aches for all that I have lost. Really is my world better, I have my good days and bad, August seems to be one of the worst, with Jake and Jeneh having Birthday/Angle Days on the 18th and than Lynli’s Birthday/Angel Day on the 3rd. I think, well really I KNOW that it’s the days leading up to their Birthdays all the thinking that goes one, and planning of what type of treat am I going to make for their big day. For Lynli I did Cake Pop’s YUM!! Shayli had so much fun making them with me, I need to be a better Mom and take more pictures when we do thing like this. Tonight we are doing Strawberry cake with Oreo Cookie Frosting. Just like Lynli’s day I won’t be going to their grave on their Angel day, but the day after. I just can’t see or bring myself to spending the money when things are so tight for us. So it will be the day after that I put them up there. But I’m sure Shayli and I will have lots of fun making them and keeping Dad away from eating them all, Lol.
Tonight at midnight it will have been 8 years sense I went into full blown labor and lived in that hell for 6 hours until Jakob came into this world ripping throw my cervix (through a Cerclage) outside of the ER, and Jeneh came 10 minutes later also ripping through my cervix in a L&D room. Justin and I where the only ones in the room when Jeneh was born, I had freaked the nurses out so bad when they finally let me up out of the wheel chair in the room and they told me to change in to this “gown” only for me to tell them, “I need help, I gave birth to my son as I got out of the truck at the front doors of the ER.” They where like "Yes we know your in labor." I was like NO, and sent them scrambling, as I dropped my shorts only to catch my first born son in my hand.
I keep telling myself that “Some Miracles take time, but the do happen”, I’m not sure I believe this anymore……
Happy Birthday Jakob and Jeneh.
And a late Happy Birthday to Lynli.
I love you more every day and miss you.
Love forever and ever.Mom.
On a side note Shayli had Kindergarten testing yesterday, she passed with flying colors, no surprise there. She starts kindergarten on August 30th, how exciting and sad all at the same time. Shayli is getting to be quite the young lady, she's smaller then her peer's, couldnt have anything to do with the fact that she was born 2 months early, spent 5 weeks in the NICU, and both her Mom and Dad are not that tall either. She's smart and I think I'll take that over being tall anyday.
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