Sometimes we do not know the reasoning’s.

So this week I stared a new job, it’s amazing how the Lord works in closing the door of one area in your life and opening up the other. I was offered a job by US Foods and stared on the 18th (my brother Shane’s Birthday). So far everything has been wonderful.
I had a first yesterday, I was asked about how many children I have, and I have just the hardest time answering this question, I feel that if I do not in somehow acknowledge that I have more than 1 child I am being not a good Mother and I’m forgetting my other children. So this is always why I say I have one living child. And then if they want to ask they can or they can just give me that deer in the headlight look and they stare.
I think yesterday was the first time that I have not really cried when I have told my story in the very short and no details. Simply put:
We did IVF in 2003 got pregnant with twins, due to finding out I had an Incompetents Cervix (IC) our twins, Jakob and Jeneh were born at 20 weeks, they lived for a few minutes and passed away. We went back and did IVF again later that year, found out we were pregnant once again and at 12 weeks, just like the ultra sound we had with Jakob and Jeneh, this little baby followed in his big brother’s foots steps, Jakob and showed us he was a boy. I woke up in a buddle of blood at 14 weeks and he was gone.
At this point I was angry and didn’t want anyone to talk to me about when we were going to try again. We were told that our chance of ever getting pregnant without help was slim to NOTHING, well guess what Mother’s day Weekend, the SAME weekend the year before that we had found out that Jakob and Jeneh were on their way, we again found out that we were being blessed with a Baby that was “not” suppose to happen because this wasn’t suppose to be able to happen. Did all that we were suppose to do, and still due to my IC ended up in the hospital, hanging literally by my feet, upside down, to save the life of our baby. Things went back to some kind of normal the next day and I was told that I would be in the hospital until I delivered and would have to STAY in Trendelumburg the entire. time. I was ready to stay all I needed to, so we could get her here. Found out, just like her sister, Jeneh, who didn’t want to show us her “parts” (she held out to 19 weeks), but we found out that this baby was a Girl at our 22 wks appointment with a Peri that was ONLY suppose to do an abdominal U/S, but instead of doing JUST THAT, he did a vag U/S, stuck speculums up me, felt my cerclage/cervix and put me into labor. We battled with the labor for the next week and then my body gave out and at 23 weeks, Lynli was born into this world. We had a wonderful Nurse the night before that shared with us her daughter’s story and so we chose to hold our daughter for her short stay here in this life, Lynli was born alive, lived for a while and passed away in our arms. We felt she deserved a better quality of life then being a vegetable.

SOOOO this meant that within 50 weeks we had lost 4 babies.

Jakob W & Jeneh Lynn born Aug 18, 2003
Trey W born Feb 17, 2004
Lynli Rae born Aug 3, 2004

We had another miscarriage later that year and then another one in July of 2005